Have you ever reached a point in life, where you feel that, that's as good as it's going to get so it's time to give up...
Now for starters. you could take that anyway you want.
But 2 weeks ago that was me. For the past 3 years I have felt so darn shit. Why? half the time I wish I knew.
Post Natal depression, you feel so shit because of post natal depression. Yeah ok I admit, I was depressed. I just had a baby he was like 8 weeks old. Then I had to pack up and move 10 hours away from my family and friends. I didn't want to go. I cried nearly every day because of it. The hardest part was leaving my 96 year old Great Grandfather, my 'father' figure. I loved him so much.
So we moved to the beautiful Port Stephens. I was in heaven, what on earth did I have to be depressed about! Nice big house, that is a 2 minute drive from the beach. The scenery is amazing. I loved this place, but I hated it to.
Every day was a struggle, the biggest was getting out of bed. So tired, so lethargic, so unmotivated by life. Moody, cranky, frustrated, tired, tired, TIRED, were my common feelings of every day. Most of all I felt useless.
I went on like this for a couple months before I went and seen a doctor. I was in denial about it all. I didn't see how a little tablet could make me feel better. I remember going on them after my first son was born and I hated it. I stacked on the weight and hung out on the couch all day. I didn't want to be that person again. I wanted to be a fun mum. Not this shit... again.
So I went on the medication, a low does. Ok it helped, i was less frustrated and cranky all the time. The dosage went up. Although I was less frustrated, less anxiety, I still felt like shit. I barley had good days where I actually felt like doing stuff. Then fuck my life, I started packing the weight on.
Not just a couple of kgs either. We are talking nearly 30kgs. It just wouldn't stop no matter what I did. No matter how much I watched what I ate. I could barley do much exercise cause i felt like shit, I had no energy.
Blood tests after blood tests after more blood tests, and nothing, all clear. According to these little bitches I am healthy as. In myself I felt there was something more wrong. There were other things to, my hair just keeps falling out. My memory is not the best. No sex drive. Worst part is I am happy with my life now, I love my family, I have gotten over being so far away from everyone, my pop has passed away, but i am still low/ depressed. Overall feel like SHIT! I just kept thinking it had to be my Thyroid.
I remember laying awake at night thinking, wow this is as good as my life is gunna get. I am going to feel like shit nearly every single day.
My friend did a couple sessions of acupressure on me, it gave me a little bit of relief I was no longer constipated all the time, and my headaches were nearly gone.
I went back to the doctor for more blood tests. Finally, this time we got some news! Under-active Thyroid! I friggen knew it, and my cholesterol is a little high however that could be from the thyroid.
I have been on a low does tablet for they Thyroid for a week now, and oh my, I am like a new woman! I can feel the change already. Its amazing. Although its not a massive change and I am generally feeling like shit again by the afternoon again, but i can defiantly notice it.
I'm cleaning, I'm walking everyday, I am driving into Newcastle by myself to do stuff with my sons, I'm sleeping, and hubby is away for working and I am coping so well!
I feel like its a breakthrough for me, a second chance really. I'm excited to see what the next few weeks bring and how much more I improve. It just annoys me it took so many blood tests for it to finally show.
